Out from under the rock

     An epiphany, waking up, or like I feel with my writing...........coming out from under a rock.  Writing is one of the purposes God gave me in life to fulfill.  I used to think it was only songs, and that may be my strength, but I think I may try this blogging thing again. 
     The enemy is sly.  Heard it said that he may study you for years to find out the chinks in your armor, the buttons you can't stand to be pushed, the thing that lures you away from your purpose.  If he can't tempt you to sin maybe at least he can distract you from your purpose.
     Once you're distracted from your purpose then you're not fulfilling part of God's plan for your life, for me, writing songs.  You'd think I'd have better sense than that!  Songs written, recorded, awarded, treasured...........beyond anything I could have ever imagined! 
     The Word says that we are not unaware of the devils schemes and devices.  Dear ones, lets be wise as serpents, harmless as doves and not retreat under a rock.
     Oh, I'm so excited.  Wylene, my sister, and I have written our first song together.  She has given me song ideas for years and I've always been amazed at her insight into good songs and such.  I decided that we needed to try it together and it has definitely clicked.  She keeps knocking herself a bit, but she'll get over that.  The song is "The Finishing Touch".  When we put the finishing touch on it...........you'll be the first to know.

It All Started Like This

     February 27, 2006.   I was recovering from an upper respiratory infection- nothing special except that the fatigue was major.  On this particular day I was hit like a train with a severe headache concentrated in the back of my head (occipital for you medical folks).  Couldn't shake it or tone it down.  I had been under the care of my doctor for the URI so I decided to talk to him about it the next time I saw him.  I work in ICU and see doctors all day long.  The following Wednesday I was at work and the pain was intense.  I kept hoping I would see Dr. K but he didn't have any patients in the unit.  I was praying, wondering how to get some relief from a headache that had been with me for 3 days.
     I know it was  a Wednesday because I missed church and the first  Wed night of the month fellowship meal.  I left work and walking across the parking lot was none other than Dr K.  (Thank you Lord)  I stopped him and he said it if was real bad I needed to turn around and go in the hospital to have a CT scan, etc.  Exhausted after my 12 hour shift I agreed to drop in the office the next morning.  I left and headed for home.  Passing the church I pulled in and parked unsure about whether to go in and get everybody to pray for me or crank up and go to the house.
     Wylene came out about that time and we started talking about other things.  I told her I had a bad headache and concerned she said she'd be praying for me.  Like we all do when we don't grasp the gravity of what someone is telling us, she moved on to another topic.  I said ,"Wylene, this headache is really bad; it's different.  I can't get any relief from it.  I'm gonna see Dr K in the morning."  She was troubled and we hesitantly said goodbye and drove off.

     I remember the next morning going back to bed after the kids and Tim left.  Now in addition to the pain I was having muscle twitching in my arms, legs, and neck/shoulders.  I wondered if I was having a seizure?  I'd sleep then wake up in pain, sleep, wake up in pain and becoming alarmed by the twitching.  The morning hours turned into noon and later. I just didn't want to get up, shower, and go to the doctor.  Made it through the rest of the day and evening........wondering, hurting.  Returned to work the next day.
     My doctor was already in the unit seeing patients.  He expressed worry since I hadn't shown up or called.  He told me to make an appt and come in without fail.   I saw him that week and for the next two weeks we did blood work, CT scans, tried sleeping pills, and finally opted for a neurology consult.  There was a new one in Milledgeville. I was to see him the next day.  Hopeful that relief was near I left the office.
     Dr W did a long interview and exam and didn't offer me anything other than a prescription to wait.  Headaches can come on and last for a very long time, he said.  I had already had the tests he would order.  Well can I have something for pain?  Neurologists don't routinely issue pain meds but he did give me a script for a mild pain reliever. Call if it got worse or if I developed any more symptoms other than severe pain, muscle twitching and sensitivity to light.   I was stunned and shuffled out of the office.  The tears came making the pain worse.  Tim was silent on the other end of the phone when I told him the outcome of this dr visit.
     The next morning I was in Dr K's office.  He flew in the exam room and said he was making arrangements to get into a prominent headache specialist in Atlanta at 8 the next morning.  Dr J.W.    A headache specialist in Atlanta.  Now we're getting somewhere.  I can't stand myself for the pain, but we're going to see the big guns now.  It'll be over soon.  Oh Lord, I prayed, get me through this and please take this pain; I can't stand it.
     It's hard writing about this.  I didn't know it would be.

I'm Back

     I've been on a trip, dealing with the chronic head and neck pain that has plagued me for nearly 5 years.  Actually I've been on a couple of trips since my last post.  I apologize for being MIA and I aim to be more consistent in blogging.
     Thanksgiving was wonderful.  The food was amazing.  In my excitement I took a picture of my plate Thursday!  The colors were so pretty not to mention the taste.  We had the five of us, my sister, and my brother-in-law.  I miss the days of lots of people milling around the kitchen and table.  Not enough room to sit, but desperately trying to fit everyone around the table so we could be together.
     I swear I felt the spirit of Mama, Granny, and Aunt Helen in the kitchen with me Thursday morning as I was cooking.  I never understood why they started cooking Wednesday and got up
 at the crack of dawn Thanksgiving day to cook.  Surely it didn't take that long.  I guess if you had six ovens it wouldn't!  They threw down honey with the food.  I think they'd be proud of us girls.  The next generation is coming along pretty good too; Morgan has taken a liking to cooking.  She made some pecan sandies this weekend that were perfect.
     I told you when we started that I would probably tell the story of my journey with pain at some point.  And I will.  For now I want to point you to a song I wrote about it, "Sustaining Grace".  Karen Peck and New River have jut recorded it.  If I can muster up my best techie skills I will attach a copy of the vocal demo (not Karen) and lyric.  Basically it pays honor  God for the way He has sustained my through constant, unrelenting pain these past years.
     Working today.  Haven't been sleeping very well the past week or so.  My job is very physically, emotionally, and mentally demanding..........at the speed of a high-speed chase.  Working in the ICU isn't the place where you'll see co-workers sharing coffee and Black Friday super gift discoveries.  No staring at the clock longing for it to turn quitting time.  We barrel through our  12 - turns into 13 +  hour shifts taking total care of 2-3 patients, fielding phone calls and visits from family, coordinating lab tests, xray, CT scanns, and other procedures which may be led/performed by another healthcare professional, but the nurse has gotta be on board......Are you out of breath.?Yeah.  Lunchtime comes when ever there's a window in the flurry of activity.  It may be 12, 2, 3:30.  You can't count on a time EVER.  We barely get to go to the bathroom.  Like the rest of the workforce in other fields, we're doing more with less.  And it's getting worse.  Administration expects high percentage patient satisfaction surveys, short lengths of stay, flawless documentation, no overtime, and a happy smiling employee.  In the last six months we have changed from paper charting to almost total computer charting.  We are in the process of going to total computer documentation of medication administration.  And no raise this year cause the hospital is struggling.  Ok I'm done.
     Done complaining.  I said all that to tell you how the Lord guided me re my job recently.  Seeking to tone down the pace and save myself some stress I applied for a job in another area in the hospital.  Between the time I applied to the interview I changed my mind several times.  I lay it before the Lord and told Him I would be happy with however it turned out.  When I got the call from the nurse manager I was scared to answer so I didn't.  I was afraid she was gonna offer me the position and I wasn't sure I wanted it now!  I drove on home, checked my e-mail and found out that I hadn't gotten the job.  I felt so taken care of by the Lord!  He guided me through the whole process and gave me peace that the right scenario would work out. I am sure that He has me where I need to be right now.

Stronger

     Daddy left a legacy of love, humor,music, Southern philosophy, and most importantly a love for the Scriptures.  Growing up I've gone to bed many nights seeing Daddy poring over his tear-stained Bible by lamplight.  Many times when we got up in the morning He would still be there.  He always told me, "Lil Sister, you better get you some Word down in your heart.  Nothing can take it away from you.  There'll come a time when you may not have your copy of God's Word at your fingertips and you will need God's Word to make it."  Good, no , GREAT advice from a father to his daughter.  In fact he told alot of people that.  He was bold about his faith. I always admired that about Him.
     In the early morning hours I opened one of His last Bibles to read this verse underlined in Isaiah 40:29 "He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might, He increaseth strength."  In my world today that is good news to soak in.  I don't feel strong these days.  We do walk by faith and not by sight.  I know that is dangerous and foolish to live life totally steered by emotions, but don't you love it when you feel a touch from the Master's strong hand?
     I've battled severe neck pain and headache on a chronic basis since 2006.  I've tried a myriad of medications and various treatments by medical doctors and therapists.  I really do think I will chronicle that journey in this blog before too long.  Many of you have walked it with me.  Read it again and catch the faith clips the Lord will drop in your spirit.  The last month I've been under the care of a very caring and expert team of physical therapists.  I'm having more good days and less bad pain days.  That is HUGE for me;  just ask my family.  Thankful isn't sufficient to describe how I feel about this tiny bit of progress.
    Someone asked me yesterday how my writing was going.  I'm on intake mode these days.  Some songs should come bubbling up before long.  Incidentally I'm traveling to St Louis next month to spend the weekend with a group of Christian writers.  Those retreats are good for what ails me.  I promise to pick up the pace with this blog.  Thanks to you who are reading it and telling others about it.
     I am co-teaching a Sunday School Class at our home church, Westview Baptist Church here in Milledgeville.  Come visit some Sunday morning.  I'd love to see you.  Our family makes up3/4 of the band and we really enjoy that.  Although I do have to run interference between Tim and Roman.  Happy Birthday, Roman this Friday, September 24, .............big 17.  Mama's baby is grown!.
     Next time won't be too far away, promise!  Hey, my song, "I"ll Pray For You," co-written with Barbara Huffman, is up for Song Of The Year at this year's Singing News Magazine Fan Awards, next week at the show in Dollywood, Pigeon Forge,Tenn.  Tim and I had planned on going.  Honey are we going?  We'll see.

The Best Part of Getting Sleepy

     Work was steady today, not too bad.  Thankful since it was my first day back after being off 3 and still not being 100%.  Pain is very draining.  I tell you one thing, I have developed a keen sense of empathy for people in pain- acute or chronic- because of what I've been through the last four and a half years.  It's like anything else, untill you've been there, you can't relate.  And some good advice I got from one of my pastor's timely sermons, "Don't try to convince someone you know how they feel when there's no way you could possibly know."  It's ok to play a supporting role of a faithful friend.
     The best part of getting sleepy is settling down in my bed having released the day to the Lord.  I have a painting hanging over my bed that says "In peace will lie down and sleep, for You alone, Oh Lord, will keep me safe."(Psalm 4:8 NLT).  I can't tell you how many times I have clutched my Bible to my chest and sat in my bed praying to God for Him to "answer and show me great and mighty things that I know not" (See Jeremiah 33:3).
     A couple of dear sweet "church mothers" ( I call them that) taught me that verse many years ago.  Kneeling beside them in prayer meetings in the Sunday School rooms before church service I learned alot.  For there in those little prayer rooms and around the altars of The Oconee Church of God a heritage of faith was being instilled into two little girls, my sister (Wylene) and me.  Precept upon precept.
     Sleepy I am and frightfully not very witty, I'm off "to my chambers"!

The Best Part Of Waking Up

     The best part of waking up is a clean cat box in the laundry room.  I didn't encounter that pleasure this morning, neither did I correct it.  Kid Duty!
     "Once Upon a Mattress"!  What can I say........I needed to laugh after the last couple weeks.  My girls were in it as well as my pastor, worship leader.  It was directed by our pastor's wife.  If you're local, go check out the show tonight or tomorrow; it's hilarious and good for what ails you.
     Tim went to the doctor but didn't see the doctor since he was in emergency surgery.  He's rescheduled for Monday.  But praise our compassionate heavenly Father, he is feeling much better.  Thanks so much for lifting us up in prayer.  I was phone-less for a few days and enjoyed listening to all the messages yesterday when I got my new phone.  Actually it's a pre-owned new phone, but hey, it's a phone!
     Been off 3 days and I was in the bed most of that time batting this dang headache thing.  Saw my doctor this week; We're gonna do another round of MRI, xrays, and blood work.  The Lord does always sustain me, even when I don't realize it.  I got a call from my sweet Barbara after the play last night and we talked a while.  That conversation and watching the play with Sis gave me a great lift.
     Scrambled into bed, made room for Gabby, our luscious calico cat, and grabbed my Bible.  It had a few pages folded down just for me.  Turn to Isaiah 50:7 and we'll read it.  From the New Living Translation:  "Because the Sovereign Lord helps me I will not be disgraced.  Therefore I have set my face like a stone, determined to do His will, and I know that I will not be put to shame."   Whoaaaaa!  I had to read more above and below that passage for more.
     Being afraid of being disgraced or ashamed.  Has that ever stopped me from telling somebody about Jesus or kept me from testifying to His faithfulness?  Maybe I'm afraid He won't come through and that will make me look bad.  Heaven forbid , but I confess to you that I have allowed my own pride to keep me from doing just that. 
     This muggy August morning in the dark as I write this to you, I have called on the Lord to work in situations beyond my control.  Actually, all of the situations in our lives are beyond our control, we just don't realize it from our self-sufficient persective.  But I humbly claim Isaiah 50:7.  Won't you?
     Dear Lord, we need you this morning to make us more aware of your presence, to forgive us for trying to be so self-sufficient.  Thank you for being our Father and taking such good care of us.  Amen

S.O.S!

Hey ya'll!  My computer's been out of commision and you'll read the "rest of the story" below.

Tim's sick, looks like he may have gallstones.  He's been weak and feverish today.  I've had a rough pain flare-up the last three weeks.  I guess I should share the whole story sometime, but not this morning.  I see my neurologist today and I've talked to the Great Physician already, so I should be improving soon, huh?

Morgan, our 19year old, left UGA Christmas break and has been working doing secretarial work with a home health agency.  Great job and I tell her she's making way too much money for her age!  She's started back with dance which thrills me cause that's one of her talents and she's "got it".  Also helping out with some of the younger dancers which she loves.  Nutcracker's in December, ya'll!  She'd been undecided about her choice of school but became a GCSU Bobcat today.  Btw, she and London, our 11 year old, are in  Milledgeville Player's production of "Once Upon A Mattress" next week. 

In the midst of this storm the Lord sent a testimony to His grace my way.....a young ( he's my age, so he's young, ok?) man I've been acquainted with over the years came to the hospital to visit someone.  He then came by ICU to tell me He got saved.  Does that thrill your heart?  It did mine and swept away the clouds for a while as we shared a few minutes talking about what God was doing in his life.

I haven't written in a few weeks.  "I'll Pray For You" is up for Song of The Year at the Singing News Fan Awards in September,  My buddy, Barbara Huffman, shared the ides with me and we wrote the song; it was recorded and beautifully done by The Whisnants.  I have a couple holds  out there.  I'll let you know who does what. 
 
Psalm 27

Talk to you soon